Expensive CVS,

Please change your maintain music.

Please. Do the appropriate factor.

It’ll take you, or somebody who works for you, or perhaps a barely pubescent adolescent who however is aware of tips on how to program music on his iPhone with extra aplomb than anybody born earlier than 1975, solely about 48 seconds.

And 48 seconds is considerably lower than the period of time I’ve listened to your never-changing maintain music.

I’ve researched the supply of this music on-line. I did this, as you would possibly guess, after I was on maintain. It appeared the healthiest response I may muster to that faux-soothing piano wandering that’s presupposed to placate prospects for anyplace between 20 seconds and 35 minutes.

I’m simply guessing at these wait occasions, by the best way. That information could be on the market and it won’t, however I can’t deliver myself to see how lengthy my ready compares to the common ready.

And, to be clear, I’m not vital of being on maintain. I do know the pharmacists are working as arduous as they will. I do know it’s a part of our fashionable world. That is why we now have social media, and ESPN.com, and trashcans positioned about 4 or 5 toes away, into which I can toss crumpled-up items of paper. Actually, being on maintain has tremendously improved my garbage can basketball accuracy, so there’s that. Thanks.

Nonetheless, that tune has received to go.

I hear it in my sleep. I hear it after I go working. Generally I wake in the course of the night time buzzing that melody. It haunts me, day and night time. It’s not wholesome. I do know. I’m a health care provider.

It’s not wholesome to listen to pharmacy-hold music when you sleep.

Oh, you need information?

Honest sufficient.

CVS maintain music stimulates the almond-shaped amygdala that sits in our reptilian brains, and that’s not good. This is similar area of the mind concerned in street rage, and in elevating your center finger, and in listening to the Steve Miller Band sing “Abracadabra.”

Some 98 p.c of respondents in a big, multi-center research inspecting the common American’s response to the CVS pharmacy maintain music reported that their amygdalae (the plural of amygdala) have been enraged.

This research, clearly, doesn’t exist. Nevertheless it may!

The themes can be made up totally of me, or plenty of me’s. You see, there are lots of, many various me’s which have listened to that very same tune whereas on maintain at CVS. There’s the me who’s in-between sufferers and working beneath the resilient however however largely naive perception that I can remedy a previous authorization quandary in someplace round 4 minutes. There’s the me, nervous about my daughter’s ear an infection, and hoping that the antibiotics are prepared. There’s the me doing laps in my automobile round and across the avenue the place I stay, ready for the music to finish in order that I can discuss to an natural entity and name in a prescription.

As for numbers, I’ve received these found out as properly.

Let’s say I name CVS, on common, thrice per day, six days every week, for a interval of in regards to the final 25 years. That will enable me to depend my residency in addition to post-graduate years. Let’s subtract a pair weeks a yr for holidays and so forth.

That signifies that thrice per day, six days every week, 50 weeks a yr for 25 years, I’ve referred to as CVS. And let’s estimate that the common time that I’m handled to this music is round 1 minute, 34 seconds.

That signifies that I’ve made roughly 22,500 calls to CVS, and I’m, in all honesty grateful for his or her service. (6 x three x 50 x 25 = 22,500)

After all, I’m making an assumption that the maintain music has not modified during the last 25 years. It’s because I don’t recollect it altering. It’s like taxes. I don’t keep in mind a time when it didn’t exist. Accepting this assumption as reality — as a result of it feels like reality — because of this I’ve listened to roughly 2,115,000 seconds of that very same music. That’s 35,250 minutes, or 587-1/2 hours, or almost 25 days.

Virtually 25 days of my life listening. I’m 52 years outdated, in order that signifies that I’ve spent 25 days out of my 18,980 days on this planet listening to that piano piece (referred to as, by the way, “Golden Dragon” — I Googled it whereas I used to be on maintain). That’s a better share of my days than I’d like.

So let me be clear. I don’t object to being on maintain. I hate it, however I’m at peace with it. I object to being on maintain for greater than 587 hours of my hard-earned life whereas listening to that very same tune.

As I hope this piece illustrates, it is a matter of some urgency.

Please change the music.


With warmest regards,


Steve Schlozman is a psychiatrist.  This text initially appeared in WBUR’s CommonHealth

Picture credit score: Shutterstock.com

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